Stay strong, you beautiful soul

by Kevin Bascao - 1:55 AM


Life is not always rainbows and butterflies. Yes, it is beautiful. Just as how it is also complicated. Humans, with no exception, were created to experience both.
In this blog, I will discuss my own experience of grief using Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief or the DABDA model.

In the past weeks, I was not okay. I was going through really hard times. I’m so glad I have the energy and courage to write about this matter today.

At least once in our lives, we experience feeling great amount of stress and anxiety. Most of the time, we feel these things following a major change that has recently taken place. Mine was losing my job, along with some personal issues I have been struggling with for a long time.

Denial

I couldn’t accept the fact that these things were actually happening all at the same time. Despite how hard that was, I kept telling people that I was okay. Maybe I was trying to run from reality. Maybe I was hoping that I could still somehow change the situation. Maybe I tried so hard to push myself to achieve not only the unattainable but also the things that won’t matter anymore because the situation was indeed unchangeable.

Losing a job was not easy. Not to mention, I have responsibilities to fulfill as an adult. For quite some time, I denied the fact that I was not okay. I didn’t believe I was in pain. I denied every bad thing that resulted from what happened.

But then again, you ask yourself what went wrong.

Anger

As soon as I learned to absorb the situation, I came to a point where denying it was already useless. Later on, I started to have extreme emotions, mostly anger. At first, I hated people. But as I progressed through the anger stage, I found myself even more frustrated and mad. This time, towards myself. I was mad at myself for not doing enough. I was mad at myself for merely being me. There were also times when I feel mad but without any specific underlying reason.

Bargaining

You sort of want to get back the lost time and opportunity. You realized your mistake but you try to convince yourself that you were actually not that bad. You tell your inner self how things could have been different if only you did better.

Bargaining is also common when we pray. We ask God to give this and that while making pledges and promises in return. We bargain with Him by telling that we will do everything just to make things right again.

When my emotions slightly subsided, I tried to think about the things that could have been done to avoid being in that ugly situation. I was having those what ifs and if onlys.

Depression

While the previous stages went fast for me, I had to endure this one longer.


I lost the appetite to eat, I had a hard time falling asleep and I isolated myself from people including my friends. They didn’t see me for 2 weeks because I constantly turned down their invites. I even ignored their calls and messages many times. I literally had zero level of confidence and motivation to do anything. I didn’t know how to move forward with my life. It wasn’t fun, it’s not cool. It sucks that there are still some people who makes fun of depression.

I felt worthless. My world was falling apart.

From bad, it became worse as I also felt high level of pressure from people around me. My mom and friends were asking me about my plans or if I already got myself a new job (love you mom and friends!). But honestly, I didn’t see myself working again. I wasn’t ready to look for a new job. I thought I needed more time to rest and still figure things out.

Acceptance

After some time, even though the situation seems impossible, you will reach this point. You will wake up one day, feeling ready to move on and be okay again.

I started seeing my friends again which also helped a lot. Every night, I pray to God to heal me and comfort me along the process. Some times I would still feel down. But at least I finally came to this point where I am accepting the fact that this life isn’t perfect and it doesn’t have to be. Struggles and problems are always part of life. But it doesn’t mean we can’t live a happy life.

You will learn to let go of the pain. You will learn to give up on things that are hurting you. You will see the light at the end of the dark tunnel.

When I began to accept things, I became more open about my feelings and problems. I became open to people. A valuable lesson I learned from this experience is to know and acknowledge that I, obviously, need help. You first need to know and acknowledge that something is broken, before you can actually fix it.

I wrote this article to share a recent and relevant experience. I wanted people to know that grief or depression has many faces. Some people can pull off a beautiful smile but eyes won’t lie. Some people laugh hard when their friends are around but cry when they’re alone. I may be posting some nice photos on Instagram or Facebook. But that doesn’t mean I’m always okay. People need to stop the stigma and focus on being nice to people instead. I also want to encourage people who are dealing with difficult situations to speak to someone immediately.

Blogging played an important role in my grief process. It helped me divert my emotions and it’s the only thing that I wanted to do during my lowest moments. I hope thru blogging as well, I am able to reach out to people who are going through the same or similar situation. I want you to know that you are not alone.

There is no definite timeline on when you will be feeling fine again, but trust me, you will be okay. Just hold on and keep the fight! I am not completely fine as of writing this but I keep on going on. I feel so much better than before.

Find that passion that will give you motivation. In my case, again, it’s blogging and traveling. If you love cooking, then cook for the people you love. If you love to dance, heck, show those moves! Dance your stress away. Do things that make you happy. For yourself.

Build your support system. Remember those people who told you that they got your back no matter what? This is the time when you need them most. Talk to a family member or a friend. Don’t be afraid to open up. Reach out to people because there is always someone who can understand you.

Most of all, always pray. God loves you. More than you know.

It takes time but you will get through the grieving process. Give yourself time to heal and accept things.

Stay strong, you beautiful soul.


I’m posting Hopeline Philippine’s hotline here for your reference:
(02) 804-4673
+639175584673
For TM and Globe subscribers, toll free number is 2919.

I myself called the mobile number twice. I was able to talk to two different representatives.

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